TeamDavis

In my previous post, I talked briefly about my process of coming to be open to having children, of seeing childbearing as a good (and in a sense necessary) part of marriage.

This is a sensitive topic!

I have many dear friends who are married but unable to bear children for medical reasons. Others who deeply desire children but do not because they are unmarried. And a few close friends who are married but choose not to bear children.

Few topics are more private and sensitive than the choice and ability to bear a child!

I remember reading a helpful book for our premarital counseling class. Overall the material was great, but one paragraph in the introductory chapter set my teeth on edge – it read God’s blessing on Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply as a command. “Who do they think they are, saying that all couples must have children, or at least make the attempt?”

I still don’t read that blessing as a command, but I’ve moved slowly towards the idea that it is God’s intention for marriage that children will normally be a result. Like all else in this world, brokenness and disease and sin hinder God’s design, so that we live as best we can. Many will not bear children. Many cannot bear children. But God’s design for marriage is that it normally will bear children.

In calling Israel to repent of unfaithfulness towards their spouses, the prophet Malachi reveals what God was seeking when he designed the oneness of marriage:

Because the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. (Malachi 2:14-15)

This is a sensitive topic, so let me be clear what I am not saying: I’m not saying that those who do not marry are somehow less valuable or less fulfilled or less spiritual (remember that Jesus and Paul never married). I’m not saying that those who are married and medically cannot bear children are less in any way than those who can. I’m not saying that those couples who chose not to have children are necessarily disobeying God by their choice (though some might, I know I was!).

I’m simply saying this: despite the fallenness of this world, despite our own limitations, despite the good and godly reasons that some do not bear children, as Christians we must still uphold and celebrate God’s good intention for a man to leave his father and mother, and be joined to his wife, and become one flesh – that they might produce godly offspring for their Lord.

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I’ve been pondering these thoughts for several days, wondering how to communicate them effectively and graciously. I was finally stirred to write by a wonderful blog post from Dr. Del Tackett, touching on the same subject. I hope that I’ve done a good job and will avoid offending my friends and brothers and sisters in Christ.