TeamDavis

We are family.

It generally starts around high school.  “Where are you going to go to college?”  Then “Are you seeing anyone?”  That question proceeds to “When are you going to get married (already!)?” If you marry, then you are always asked, “So when are you going to have kids?”

Most of us have been there. Most of us have squirmed, and thought, WHY does everyone have to ask me that? Why can’t I just focus on where I am? Why do I always have to be taking the next big step?  Why are they in such a rush?

Well, when I went to college, I began to understand the desire to ask the next class that dreaded question.  When I got married, I began to understand why people are always asking about when you’re going to get married.  And, oh, having a child, I now understand why people ask that question!

Anyway, there are probably plenty of reasons.  Some may be less noble as these.  I thought this might help the collection of people out there sans kids understand why people like me may ask you this question:

1. We want you to experience the joy:

Right now, my little urchin is crawling up a storm.  His major dilemma these days is whether to plod around the house on all fours, or work on his standing by pulling up on precarious items like rocking or swivel chairs.  We find such great joy in his looks of wonder and awe as we sit outside, and he looks around intently trying to associate sounds with their maker.  He is so inquisitive, intrigued, and often just so joyful.  What amazement to have your own child look at you with his big, beaming, toothless grin! To invoke in him uncontrollable squeals of delight!  Even when he was just a few weeks old and could barely do much, the most intimate knowledge of his every movement and development was so thrilling and wonderful.  His warm little body cuddled up against my chest sometimes could made me want that moment to last forever.  The unabashed delight they take in being near you is thrilling to the soul.

Ah, I could go on forever. These are just glimpses.  If you have not known the sweet love of a young child, whether your own or not, I think you really have missed something joyous.  This isn’t to say that you have to have kids, or that we’re demanding it of you, but we are wanting you to know what joy, what incredible things are in store for the couple who decides to embrace the adventure of child bearing.

2. We want to welcome you into our “community” of shared experience.

Before having Josiah, I recognized that there is something very inviting to having a child.  They are so interactive with the world, and there is a draw to engage with these little creatures, with their big eyes, their big grins, and their carefree little world.  I’ve learned since Josiah’s birth that all of a sudden, you are welcomed into a community of parents.  The things you’ve heard parents say, or the struggles they have, or the inside jokes they seem to have with each other — they all become so much more meaningful!

When you see a couple on a walk pushing a stroller, you estimate quickly the age of the baby and you remember what that phase was like and you immediately have something to talk about.  You see a child older or younger, and you swap stories, share laughs, share advice and say things like, “everyone always told us this, and we didn’t believe it, but….”

3. See it as our vote of confidence!

So when we see a couple without children, we think about how we want that couple in our community so that we can share this incredible stage of life with them.  It’s an invitation; we think you’ve “got the stuff” and want you to experience the joy, experience our community and for you to have children who have you as great parents. It’s a vote of confidence we have in you!

4. We live vicariously through you, reliving the experience of our first child

This one feels hard for me to explain, but there is a certain kind of thrill seeing a couple who could soon have kids and imagining the amazing whirlwind of experiences and emotions they will have.  Plus I can fast forward through the first few weeks and months to all the experiences they could have with a child.  There’s something invigorating and joyful about that.

I don’t know if that one makes sense…it’s just something I’ve experienced.

5. We are excited to see who you will become

Something happens when you become parents — suddenly you are no longer just “Caryn” and “Scott” but now have the titles “Mom” and “Dad.” These new titles express the wonderful truth that becoming parents changes us. It changes how we view the world, alters the risks we are willing to take, causes us to view each other through different lenses, and modifies our identity at a core level.

It’s like in marriage: when two become one flesh, they both walk away permanently changed. When the two in one flesh add a child, they are changed again. And it’s all a great mystery. I can’t express clearly what the change is or why or how it happens. But the change is certainly there.

So when we see a couple and ask when they are having kids, we are expectant about the changes that will occur in their hearts and souls when their first little one comes along. Who will you become? How will you change? What will you learn? In our mind’s eye, we are excited to meet you!

We’ve written a lot about being parents in several other posts if you need more convincing!

[How I became open to having kids] [A Sensitive Topic: Children & Family] [Being a Mom] [The Fatherhood of God]
[As I Hold you Close] [Like Father Like Son]

Disclaimer

I know MANY wonderful people who are unable to have children for various reasons. I have several friends who have opted to not have children. This is not a philosophical debate about many issues that come up with a conversation like this. I believe we are created for more than just procreation.  But I do believe it is a delightful task to be invited into.  Procreate can sound so sterile and meaningless, yet it means “bring forth,” tied to the word procreationem or “generation.”  Obviously someone needs to take up the amazing task of multiplying and bringing forth the future generations.