TeamDavis

musings on marriage, faith and life

Schooling Dilemma, part 2 October 15, 2010

Filed under: books, music, media,culture,Education,faith,family — hokiecaryn @ 10:57 pm

We have been deeply pondering the topic of raising and educating our children for a number of years. One regular topic of conversation has been the idea of homeschooling our children, at least through their elementary school years. We’ve engaged in this conversation with certain friends, but in general it’s felt… unsafe… to discuss. Opinions and feelings vary widely. But, with trembling, we feel like we should start talking more openly about what we are learning — to gain insights from our friends, and to share the insights we have gained. Though what we write below may sound dogmatic, understand that it is written in a spirit of humility and friendship.  Ultimately, this decision comes down to each family’s personal conviction. — Scott & Caryn

We’ve often had discussions with friends about another question in the dilemma – is it right to abandon the government (public) schools? If the “good” people leave, will they just degrade more?  Is it our place to stay involved?  These are also hard questions to answer and I hear many people questioning this when they look at alternatives to public school.

In Schooling Dilemma, Part 1, we took a quick look at the question of homeschooling. Now let’s dig in a bit deeper together…

First, we consider the conversations with several neighbors and friends in different parts of the country questioning whether their children are even learning in school.  Even teacher friends attest that students acquire knowledge for standardized testing and waste a large chunk of their day in travel to school, administrative tasks (attendance, class changes) and dealing with misbehaving classmates.  Literacy rates are falling and schools are failing. This is not to knock teachers by the way. They are not always the problem.

It seems an interesting option to teach and train at home, have children more effectively learn and efficiently use their time; and then use the extra time to engage together in the community.  Choosing alternative school options does not withdraw students or parents from society at large.  We can engage in extracurricular activities which do overlap with the government school realm (or local city/county leagues), at public venues such as libraries and rec centers, at playgrounds and Chick-fil-a.  A book Caryn read recently even suggested that as tax paying citizens, you are able to enroll your children in certain classes/activities with the public school even if they are officially home schooled. And then of course later there are opportunities with community colleges, etc. We have many interesting options available today.

(more…)

 

Character in Old Movies August 18, 2009

Filed under: books, music, media,marriage — hokiecaryn @ 10:45 pm

There were some other interesting points I drew out from watching Philadelphia Story and never got back to posting them. My original post was on Agesim in Hollywood.  My second article here is about character of the characters.

One thing I notice in a lot of recent romantic comedies is the very confusing message about men and women. I think often there is this perfect, hot guy who has some redeeming qualities, but is somewhat of a buffoon.  He does one or two gloriously romantic gestures and completely wins the girl despite his jerk-moves in other ways.  I guess it gives grace, but it’s just weird in a world that sets up this “strong woman” who doesn’t need a man, and then she ends up falling for a stereotypical jerk.  Not all movies, but many very popular ones are this way.  Often neither male or female characters prove out lasting change; maybe just temporal change.  [Side Note: I was very surprised by 50 First Dates though; very different, and if it wasn't full of potty humor and unnecessary sex references, it would make a beautifully moving story!]

In the Philadelphia Story, heiress Tracy Lord (Katharine Hepburn) throws out her husband C.K. Dexter Haven (Cary Grant) shortly after their marriage. Two years later, Tracy is about to marry respectable George Kittredge. Dexter arrives at the Lord’s mansion the day before the wedding with writer Mike Connor and photographer Liz Imbrie.

Despite working for “Spy” magazine (a tabloid of the rich and famous), Dexter has become changed, having sobered up from his playboy and alcohol addiction, part of his losing Tracy.   He returns to Tracy’s life trying to protect her from marrying this man who is not a good match for her, and from having her family slandered in the papers.  Dexter is cautious and playful in winning Tracy back.  But he’s given her space to make that decision on her own; his main goals are to protect her, being truly the husband he should be to her.

Tracy is on a journey of discovery.  Mike (James Stewart) picks up on traits about her beyond her goddess-posture, and she realizes she likes being admired for her heart.   Secondary character, Liz obviously loves Mike and is patiently waiting for him to “get it” and be mature enough and ready for marriage.  Liz watches sadly as Mike falls for the leading lady, Tracy, but wants happiness for him and so refrains from interfering.  While a somewhat typical secondary character, purposefully underplayed, Liz has a winning nature through wit and charm; the stark contrast to Hepburn’s commanding presence.

In the end, Tracy gives preference to Liz, honoring the love that Liz has for Mike by not pursuing a relationship with him, and says so publicly.  This floored me. I don’t think a main “leading lady” type would defer to a secondary, meeker woman in a movie today.  Tracy subtly honors their relationship by pointing out to Mike Liz’s true feelings.

Spoiler warning!! Tracy ends up marrying her first husband, CK Dexter.  These two are transformed — Dexter having shed his old ways and proven his character, and Tracy discovering the heart beneath her holier-than-thou exterior.  What I love about this is that it seemed a real surprise to me being used to modern movies.  Also, this display instills the true definition of marriage and the commitment beyond paperwork.  CK remains faithful to Tracy, and shows steadfastness in changing and coming back to win her heart again; truly becoming the husband he promised to be to her in their initial engagement.

While not a perfect parallel, I think it is i brilliantly written and very poetic.

 

Brothers and Sisters July 27, 2009

Filed under: books, music, media,faith — hokiecaryn @ 3:22 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

sisters_web

[A journal entry from Oct 7, 2007. I ran across it and it was a good reminder for me; thought I'd share it.]

As I read 1 John (in the Bible) this week, I was impacted by John’s distinction of Christians being known for their love, especially towards their brothers and sisters. I realized that in the past, I have read that as “love the brothers and sisters in your church.” Sometimes that can be hard enough!

But I was challenged how my attitude and cynicism can build up towards other believers, most of whom I have not even met. For example, I have heard stories of people being deeply wounded by pastors or church leaders to the point of turning away from God.  One example I was recently challenged through was in reading the journey of Sheila Walsh through serious depression, and taking steps to pursue healing.  On this journey, as shared  through her book Honestly, she conveys things that were said to her when she was at the end of herself in emotional mess, and finally reached out for help. When reading the words of some of her colleagues and friends who said stupid and unloving things (mostly out of ignorance and fear of emotions), my reaction could be “those idiots!” or “I want to punch them.”  The things they said cut deeply. But the reality is that they are believers, (or at least professed). And the world watches how we treat them.

Obviously, for all recorded history, people have done horrible things in the name of Christ. Healthy distance from those who are damaging souls and some distinctions are necessary.

Yet looking at what John writes, and knowing the “world” does lump Christians together; even if we bristle at being combined with some of our relatives.

John (who’s closest ministry partners were slaughtered, mind you) says that those who have hate towards his brother are living in darkness.

I know I have traveled down this path of animosity, bitterness, and speaking ill of my brothers and sisters in Christ. How then do we pursue life and the integrity and unity of the Church?  For starters, I have watched the example of leaders I respect, calling out non-Christ-like behavior, without completely destroying the person they are referring to. Sheila Walsh went back to some people who hurt her and had very restoring, healing conversations.  While some conversations did not pan out, many of her colleagues and friends confessed their inadequacy to respond well, and their expression of sorrow for hurting her. Sheila found healing as she released her own anger toward them that could have destroyed her.

What a beautiful thing Christ can do in his redemptive way.

May we be open to His workings and not our own judgments and standards.

 

Ageism in Hollywood June 23, 2009

philadelphiastory

Philadelphia dilema...which man? imdb

Scott and I really enjoy watching old classic movies.  Sometimes they’re hard to get into, but we have found a lot of really great stories among them.  For example, we just finished The Philadelphia Story with Katherine Hepburn, James Stewart and Cary Grant; it is probably one of our favorites.

The wit of the character’s dialog, the creativity of the plot unfolding, maybe the complexity of a mystery, and the dynamic interaction between the characters carry the film more than a lot of movies today.  Movies today are much more complex in set, filming, number of characters, scenery, and of course special effects, etc.  But many are not written as well as some of these somewhat simply filmed, small cast movies.  It’s really amazing.  I think the actors had to be much better, too, to pull off the movie, because their interaction and dialog carries the film more than flashy things of today’s movies.

Also, I love that many of the movies were either literary pieces and or stage productions before they went to film.  I believe that this brings much more depth and profundity to the dialog and story of these movies.  It seems like when something is written for the screen, it may fall more flat, one-dimensional.

These aren’t surprises to many film buffs and classic-lovers.  And I won’t go on and on about comparing to modern film.  There are of course many modern films that are wonderfully orchestrated.  I just feel like my brain is challenged watching older movies; like I increase my IQ some, and enjoy subtle, smart humor that requires at times intelligence to even be able to laugh at.

But one thing that really stood out to me in the past couple of movies we watched was how old movies (classic, black and white films) seem to have no issue with casting old people, how older people are a normal integral part of their portrayal of society.  Not to mention many of the people in these films look very NORMAL; not completely plasticy and made up beyond recognition.

I can think of a handful of films that include men and women in their 60s plus that are integrated into the story.  But it’s rarely done now in the same subtle way that it is done in the classic movies.  Also, if they are older, they don’t have to look gorgeous and like they’re 20 years younger than they are.  It’s fine for them to just look like people
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Born Into Brothels May 4, 2009

Filed under: books, music, media,faith,family — Scott @ 9:13 pm
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The children of the brothel

The children of the brothel

This movie has been on my netflix queue for about a year. I’ve wanted to watch it since I heard of it, but somehow it never felt like a good time to watch.

But really, when would be a “good” time to watch a documentary about children born into brothels in the slums of Calcutta, India? So I finally watched it this evening. And sobbed my way through it.

An American photographer in India became interested in the plight of women and children in the red light district of Calcutta and decided to live among them. The brothels are full of children, and she began handing out cameras and teaching the children to take photographs. The documentary is the story of these children, their pictures, and their lives in the brothels.

It’s quite jarring at first, peering into the hard lives of the children. It’s shocking to see the conditions in which they live, the awkwardness of these little ones in the midst of the sex trade. And yet it is somehow fitting to see the results of prostitution through their eyes. After all, sex is kind of about children.

Isn’t it?

So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.
God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.”
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. (Genesis 1:27-28;2:24)

I felt the truth of this passage as I came to know the children through the camera’s lens. I came to know them, not as the outcasts of society, not as the children of prostitutes, not as a failure of contraception, but as human beings, created in God’s own image. Children whose lives are precious in His sight. I came to love and care for them.

By the way, the Sonagachi district alone is estimated to have around 10,000 sex workers and who knows how many children (whether they are working or not).

This movie is strong medicine, a view of lust from the other side. For some reason, God’s most precious gifts are those we abuse the most and use to destroy one another.

I mean sex. But I also mean the children.

May God have mercy on us, and may His just reign soon come on earth as it is in heaven.

 

you will never taste death April 11, 2009

cross gravestone“Truly, truly, I say to you,
if anyone keeps my word,
he will never taste death.”
-Jesus, John 8:51

Well that’s certainly a nice sentiment. Of course it’s not really true, I mean everyone dies, right? Since the time when Jesus rose from the dead, everyone who has lived, died, and everyone who has died, stayed dead.

Well, maybe it has some kind of nice but smaller metaphorical meaning. Perhaps Jesus is saying that those who keep his word will not experience terrible tragedy. That has a nice comforting ring to it — we all want to believe that if we obey Jesus (or at least do our best) we will be protected from the bad things of life. Unfortunately that belief system breaks down quickly when you meet people who love God, follow Jesus more closely that you could ever hope to, and yet experience great pain and suffering. Besides, Jesus himself said that “in this life you will have great troubles and trials.”

So much for the sentimentality.

Then what could Jesus possibly mean by such a bald statement as “if anyone keeps my word, he will never taste death”? (more…)

 

Becoming A Dragon February 17, 2009

Filed under: books, music, media,faith — hokiecaryn @ 6:40 pm
Tags: , , ,

I just recently started reading Eragon in the popular new series by Christopher Paolini.  But this is not about that dragon; it’s just that it reminded me of something I wrote a few years ago at a time when we were in midst of other life change and transition. I thought it would be good to read again and share.

[2004] As our life continues to take its twists and turns, I’m reminded of the words I keep enjoying – from voices like John Eldridge and others – who write of the wildness of God and the adventure he has set out for us. Each day is a new glimpse of what the future holds. But with only glimpses, it has been hard to follow along a path full of danger and mystery.

Being back in Virginia has touched me deeply to realize the strong emotional impact this journey has been for us in these past 6 months.  In “survival” mode of transition, I think I hadn’t taken time to recognize the impact this journey has had on my heart and spirit.  I have just been shaken awake to a fresh reality of the battle that is going on for my heart.

voyageofdawntreader_eustaceMore than ever I have felt the power of things greater than me.  I wonder if I have really robed myself in the armor; have I ever REALLY let God be in control?  The battle drains my strength and weakens my knees. I wonder if I have been prepared for the true power of the pursuit — ravenous wolves who desire to take hold of the dear blessed place of gifts and salvation that my Hero has brought me.  Stealing my promised land from me before I enter it (thank you, Beth Moore).

We are reading through the Narnia Chronicles by C.S. Lewis*, and I was touched deeply by the following excerpt from The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. The excerpt is about Eustace, who has been dragged against his will into the magical world of Narnia. He is not a “child of imagination,” one who is intrigued by fairy tale and mystery. He also knows little of his own ugly character – selfish and greedy. (more…)

 

Election Day poetry November 3, 2008

Filed under: books, music, media — hokiecaryn @ 2:40 pm
Tags: , ,

As fall is in the air, Norah Jones’ song, My Dear Country, has come to mind — Election day impending upon us, the hype surrounding it coming to an intolerable climax. While it may seem gloomy, no matter your thoughts, whether your political opinions align with Ms Jones, and no matter your vote, I find her poem intriguing and at the end, a solid reminder to be thankful for the freedom & liberties we do have. Let’s not forget where we’ve come from.

illustration of Norah on her website

illustration of Norah from her website

Lyrics for Norah Jones’ My Dear Country: [hear it here]

‘Twas Halloween and the ghosts were out,
And everywhere they’d go, they shout,
And though I covered my eyes I knew,
They’d go away.

But fear’s the only thing I saw,
And three days later ’twas clear to all,
That nothing is as scary as election day.

But the day after is darker,
And darker and darker it goes,
Who knows, maybe the plans will change,
Who knows, maybe he’s not deranged.

The news men know what they know, but they,
Know even less than what they say,
And I don’t know who I can trust,
For they come what may.

’cause we believed in our candidate,
But even more it’s the one we hate,
I needed someone I could shake,
On election day.

But the day after is darker,
And deeper and deeper we go,
Who knows, maybe it’s all a dream,
Who knows if I’ll wake up and scream.

I love the things that you’ve given me,
I cherish you my dear country,
But sometimes I don’t understand,
The way we play.

I love the things that you’ve given me,
And most of all that I am free,
To have a song that I can sing,
On election day.

 

 
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