We hope to meet her around the middle of June!
Easter Reflections: Losing a child April 9, 2009
bye bye pebble baby
Today I read an article by my friend Brenna Kate, telling about losing her unborn child earlier this year. I wept, holding my son in my lap as I read her story, Bye Bye, Pebble Baby
In response, I wrote to her thanking her for taking the bold step of publicly sharing about her miscarriage and writing so personally of what it was like. I don’t think everyone has to share so publicly, but I appreciate that all the women who have lost can hear other women share their experiences.
As an outsider who has not lost, but who has known several women who have lost children to either miscarriage or abortion, I see that many of these mothers stay in a silent doom alone in their grief. Our culture wrestles with whether the fetus is even a living being with a soul, and we adopt a gnostic philosophy of detachment between soul and body. But I believe deep down we ALL KNOW (whether we believe in God or not) that the creator created this life and the death of an unborn child is a terrible tragedy, someone so helpless, who never had the chance to make choices or “do good” or choose evil. How do we reconcile that?! (more…)
How I became open to having children February 28, 2009
Sons are a heritage from the LORD,
children a reward from him.
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are sons born in one’s youth.
Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.
Ps 127:3-5
Now don’t get me wrong, I was never one of those guys who say they don’t want to have kids. No sir. From the time it became a pertinent question (namely engagement to marriage), I was firmly in the five-years-from-now camp.
The interesting thing about five-years-from-now is that it is always… five years from whenever “now” happens to be. In other words, postponed indefinitely.
I wasn’t against having children, in fact I always pictured myself eventually with children. But there were a lot of “really great reasons” for not having them anytime soon.
children are a blessing from the Lord
Over the last several years I’ve spent a great deal of time learning and teaching about sexuality – how God made us male and female, designed us for marriage, and gave us sex as a marital one-flesh bond and as a way to participate with him in the creation of new life. Sexuality and childbearing in scripture are intimately linked.
Throughout scripture, childbearing is consistently taught to be a great good. The inability to bear children (Abraham and Sarah for just one example) is often a major point of tension around which the plot revolves. And when that difficulty is overcome by a miracle of God it is a great act of his loving kindness worthy of writing down for posterity.
As the psalmist writes, children are a reward and a blessing from God. It is a great good for us when we bear children.
uncovering unbelief
But as I taught and wrote about God’s design of sexuality, I slowly became aware that biblical truth was in direct conflict with my personal feelings on the matter. Despite what scripture said, my feelings said that children mess up an otherwise very nice and quiet and non-smelly household. (more…)
Birth update and pics February 25, 2009
We left the birth center at around 10:30 this morning, so about 8 hours after Josiah was born. They did a wonderful job preparing us to take care of him and getting us started with breast feeding, so it wasn’t quite as scary to take him home as we thought it might feel.
Mom and baby are both healthy, though obviously we’re all worn out from last night.
As much as you know that it will be crazy to go from having a pregnant belly to holding an infant human being in your arms… well, honestly I can’t express what it feels like. It is entirely incomprehensible. I continue to look at Caryn and think, how did he come out of you? I saw the process from start to finish, and yet it is a mystery.
And the greatest mystery of all to me is that this is no mere animal infant, but a living soul. That is an incomparable mystery.
Anyway, enough philosophizing. Here are some pics (don’t worry guys, nothing too scary).
Our midwife Robin places Josiah in mom's arms in the birth tub
Caryn did most of her early and active labor either in bed, sqatting on a birth ball, or stretching to help him turn around and get positioned correctly. Once transition kicked in (guys, that’s the most difficult part with the most intense and frequent contractions), she moved to a birthing tub filled half way with hot water. That relieved a lot of her back and leg pain as well as reduced the pressure as he moved down the birth canal.
The midwives let me catch him… once his head was clear, I reached down and helped pull him out, and lifted the squirmy messy baby out of the water. What a memory! Caryn did all the hard work, but I got to participate in some really neat ways.
This picture is immediately after I have cut the umbilical cord, and he’s been wrapped and given to Caryn. He was a deep purple color for a few minutes (that’s normal) then quickly turned a deep pink.
Around 5am, Scott & Josiah finally get a chance to rest. We were all exhausted!
And… this is when you totally fall in love with your baby, when they settle down and fall asleep on your chest. He has a lot of hair, mostly blonde. He’s surprisingly strong with big shoulders and firm kicks. He can even just about hold his neck up on his own and fights back if you try to move his head.
Mom and Josiah connect
If you’ve never visited a natural birthing center, it’s hard to describe. Best I can do is say it’s a cross between a doctor’s office and a nice bed & breakfast. Our room was cute, very comfortable and homey. We made a wreck of the room, but it looked great when we arrived! In the previous picture, Caryn is recovering with Josiah in our room at The Birth Place.
Josiah sleeping
That’s all for now. I’m sure Caryn will have a lot to say when she’s up for sitting at the computer 
[Announcement on BirthPlace website]
Josiah Randolph – what’s in a name February 25, 2009
Like most prospective parents, we looked through a couple “baby names” books looking for that perfect name for the future member of our family. We wrote down a handful of male and female names that passed first muster. The middle name was the easy part.
Randolph is Old English for “Wolf Shield”
As soon as I knew he was a boy, I knew I would give him the middle name of Randolph: a family name and my middle name. In addition to “Wolf Shield” it’s also variously rendered as “Wolf Counselor” or “House Wolf.” The idea is a fierce, half-wild but loyal guardian. If you’ve read White Fang and remember how he protected the human family that adopted him at the end of the book, you can grasp a good idea of what the name suggests to me.
Finding a First Name
Then I was looking through a list of Bible names and one jumped out at me: Josiah. Something about it immediately grabbed my interest. “What do you think about ‘Josiah’?” She liked it too.
The biblical story of King Josiah has always been one of my favorites. Most kids who have attended Sunday school regularly know of him as “Good King Josiah,” the boy who became king, and was one of Israel’s greatest kings. In a time when worship of the true God was all but forgotten, Josiah responded immediately when a priest came from the temple and presented the Law of God. He repented and initiated a program of social and religious reform.
Though he was young, he responded with wisdom and passion when confronted with God. I love the story. But I also love the meaning of the name… (more…)
Realizing I Need Saving February 3, 2009
looking out upon the world
“When we open our eyes as babies we see the world stretching out around us; we are in the middle of it; all we see is determined by the relation of all objects to ourselves. This will be true as long as we live. I am the center of the world I see; where the horizon is depends on where I stand. The same is true of our mental and spiritual vision. Some things hurt us; we hope they will not happen again; we call them bad. Some things please us; we hope they will happen again; we call them good. Our standard of value is the way things affect ourselves. So each of us takes his place in the center of his own world. But I am NOT the center of the world, nor do I determine what is good or bad. I am not the center; God is.” – Archbishop William Temple describes our “posture” from which we are continually misled about true freedom.
Why does Jesus tell us, “if the Son sets you free you are free indeed”? Do we need saving? I’m not a slave to anyone; I live in the United States as a free citizen; I choose how I spend each day, I choose my life direction, don’t I? I’m not a slave to anyone. This is the lie the disciples revealed to Jesus in John 8; this is the lie we always believe. We are misled to believe we are free. Our lives are individual “centers” writes C. Fitzsimons Allison in the devotion I was reading this morning in Tabletalk Magazine. He says “we think we are free when our wills are fulfilled and that we are not free when our wills our frustrated. But this universal self-as-center is the cause of litigation, divorce, rivalry, murder, war and genocide. It is not a condition of FREEDOM but one of BONDAGE.” Allison goes on to say that we make some semblance of order of freedom in civilization itself, and by education, law and order. But I’d argue that those even at their core have become corrupt and knocked off a foundation to the point that even they can not truly grant freedom; a far cry from original Truth and Freedom for which we settle.
On a personal level, I know my stubbornness gets in the way, and I think I’ve got a lot of things under my control and don’t need the help from a savior. That’s when things are going okay and “my will is fulfilled and not frustrated”. What do I need saving from? I’ve got it! Yet when I experience His true freedom; even amidst chaos or frustrated wills (more so then!), it’s those times that the rest of life looks a bit more colorless. It is when HE is in control, that I release myself to His leading that I find true freedom, experience His goodness and his peace.
Birth Preparation January 13, 2009
We spent two Saturdays with our childbirth educator and another lovely couple who are due right around the same time as we are. This took place at our birth center, which was great for continuing to grow comfortable with the space where we will have our big day in February!
The class we took was based roughly on the curriculum of Birthing from Within, a book by Pam England and Rob Horowitz. The class covers a variety of things about preparing mentally, emotionally and spiritually for childbirth. We also explored some aspects of postpartum adjustment (infant care, mommy care, expectations and breastfeeding). I think most classes are probably generally similar in a lot of areas of preparation. I don’t know that we found the absolute perfect fit class for us out there, but we definitely enjoyed the time taken out to focus in on preparing ourselves as much as we could for the birth experience. Much of it was just being guided to talk through and think through expectations about what the birth experience will be like, learning some tools for “pain-coping,” and most importantly just dialoging about the realities of pre, during and post labor and birth.
I appreciated Sandra who was our instructor, and having the intimacy of a class with just one other couple. It was nice to be able to get to know them some, and share our experiences; and especially to have time to share our thoughts and concerns and talk through them specifically. There was a good balance of taking time as a couple, too, to discuss more privately and personally.
This is one of those things that you can not prepare for entirely, but I did feel like this part of the journey was a helpful exploration process.
While there were some parts of the class that came from a perspective we don’t agree with (Darwinian just-so stories, mainly), overall it was helpful and enjoyable. We drew a labyrinth and talked through how this (like many life experiences) can be visualized in a labyrinth — predicting there will be stretches of clear straight-aways, coming up to walls that stop us, hitting dead ends, coming close to the center and being thrown back out to an outer edge…and finally coming around to the main destination. It was nice to engage the visual aspect of our brains and discuss where we forsaw these parallels coming in. And then also having an experienced mother share some of her own insights on some places to expect these bumps and progresses.
We also did an exercise or two where we drew something to visualize the positive outcome of an experience that we saw as a “worst case” scenario. For mine, my final result was an image of us with baby and remembering that the end result was what to stay focused on, no matter how we get there; to trust my creator and protector and the great Physician who will be with me. I also visually was reminded of the people we have hand picked to be there who will be there regardless of where we birth.
Scott had a honest picture of him standing by my side. He realized some how he might feel unable at many times through the laboring process to really “do” anything…and to just embrace his role of being present and there for me, as well as for our son.
The final thing I did was work with clay and express whatever…I created this piece. I could go into what it may mean, but as Sandra said, the clay just comes to life and speaks. I enjoyed this activity and engaging that part of my brain with this experience; it seems very important to such a large event in our life and especially in processing all the preparation, doubts, concerns, excitements for this life change!
So we’ve faced our tigers, we’ve discussed some expectations and will continue these discussions up to the birth-date and after. Like we learned in premarital counseling, and especially being on the educator side of premarital — the couple may be too optimistic to forsee the problems of the future, but the training is in having opened conversation, and given them an avenue to connect with you as an educator, and the idea to connect to community when they need help when bumps come along.
This class definitely helped us find more confidence in seeing the larger picture of what this experience might look like. But we know there will/may be surprises and bumps here and there. But we’ve started the dialog and we hope that this was a good start to conversation continuing through the process….and helpful to us not being too surprised when things do come up. We hopefully will take them in stride, trusting the care of the midwives we have chosen, or the care of a doctor and nurses if we for some reason are transferred to the hospital.
The kind of coolest part of all was in the last couple of hours of the class, a baby was born at the birth center while we were there! The 3rd time mom came in while in labor, but said we were fine to stay there. We didn’t hear anything until we heard the baby crying out his first cry! It was really exciting and encouraging — reminding us of the “end goal” and it just really brought it to life…literally. WOW.
Finding the Perfect Place to Birth, part 2 January 7, 2009
My first appointment at the Birth Place was a blood test, so I was going to have to be there for an hour. When I showed up, the atmosphere was so welcoming. It is a small “practice”, and since I’ve been going more regularly, I often see some of the same women often taking appointments. The waiting room is friendly and people are chatting; there is a woman who is their “resident childbirth educator” who sits in the waiting room talking through some factors of labor and baby care. She also does specific classes, but she takes advantage of your waiting time to talk, answer questions, etc and help people be educated and informed. This was a drastic difference from sitting in the waiting room at my doctor’s office, not often communicating with anyone, and reading a magazine or watching what was on the food network. My time is so much more valued I feel, and my education important to these women who want to make our experience the best it can be.
The staff there is wonderful and I look forward to continuing to get to know them. I have been continually affirmed in our decision with each visit there, and continue to grow familiar with the idea.
More details coming together
As a continued bonus, we were leaning towards working with the first doula we interviewed, but some various things led me to call a woman named Kathy who is a midwife in the area of good repute. After some communication and conversation, we felt that God honestly put us together, and she offered to serve as our doula if we wanted at the birth center. She has had two births there herself of her five, and has a good relationship with the midwives there. I’m really excited for her being an additional piece to this. I feel like her credentials far exceed what we were hoping for in a labor assistant. We have already had some very encouraging conversations and she has encouraged me spiritually as well as we share a common faith. That was a huge part of my decision process and I had not yet felt peace about it. So I’m really thankful for her part in this story — still mostly yet to be determined!
This description here just covers a fraction of all we’ve been venturing through in the past couple of months. The factors here are really just the pragmatic and intellectual decisions. Much of the decision process was based on a spiritual and emotional journey. That’s something I’ve already partially discussed, but deserves another later installment.
My overall experience in the last couple of months has changed from anxiety and fear of delivery, to an excitement for a birth experience that I will cherish. Of course there is some understandable anxiety still lingering; I’m not that naive to think some of it won’t have it’s scary factor, newness, and intense pain. But those who will be on this journey with me are commrades I am excited about.
Finding the Perfect Place to Birth January 5, 2009
I have to say, I have been very grateful for technology that has helped connect me with some people recently who have become very important in this journey of pregnancy. Re-connecting with a couple of friends from college who have chosen to birth naturally, or one, for example, who is even a doula (a labor assistant). These three ladies, as well as many new friends I have made have really made an incredible difference in this journey. I have told them that when my friends tell me I’m crazy for choosing natural birth (really, folks, it’s not as ignorant as it may seem…believe me…I have learned a LOT!), or when the worldview of our culture today begins to encroach on my brain to cause confusion, I picture these ladies in my head, hear them sharing their stories, and their encouragement. Without sounding too weird, they’re kind of like my army of angels, standing in the gap and cheering me on that I CAN do this. I know I’m still in the optimistic pre-labor stage, but I continue to be excited for the journey we are on, and continue to see God’s provision in helping us to put the pieces in place to help make this experience the best we can with what little we can control.
Around Thanksgiving, a lot of decisions came together for us quickly.
First Step – the Hospital Visit
Our first step was taking a class at Winnie Palmer (the new, high-tech women and babies hospital downtown) where we were planning to have our birth. (We still will if any complications arise; it’s the best for that). We took the tour and our first class with their childbirth education department, a class called Planning a Positive Birth. I had heard the teacher of this class was a midwife who was helpful in choosing from the spectrum of available birth choices. I hoped that she might be give us the real story on whether we could deliver naturally at Winnie Palmer. In theory, they are supportive, and while they have made wonderful choices at that hospital to make a great birth experience, we still felt limited now knowing some of the options we would LIKE to have in our birth. (more on that later)
Most of my research up until now was from word of mouth, and then several books, namely the Husband Coached Childbirth by Dr Bradley and Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin. Gaskin is a well known midwife and advocate for natural birth, and has been a part of a birthing center/ commune type community in Tennessee. While some of her stories seemed a bit “drastic” at first (very hippie, commune kind of stuff), I actually found myself really loving the depth of the stories and information that they provided. I found myself really opening up to the idea of natural childbirth, and even home-birth did not seem so ludicrous. The other major player in our research up to this point was Ricki Lake’s documentary, the Business of Being Born. I had also acquired Dr Sears The Birth Book which is a really helpful balance I think between understanding procedure at the hospital, but how to incorporate natural methods into your experience there.
Anyway, after reading, seeing and hearing these different birth stories, I began to realize that this was our opportunity to make things the way we wanted them. And if we were going to go to the hospital, we would be in essence fighting for some preferences that really should be rights of mothers, but are often overlooked out of redundancy and expediency.
After the class at Winnie Palmer and conversations with the midwife there, we felt very encouraged about following up with the doula we planned to interview a couple days later. We realized that if I wanted to birth naturally, that having a doula by our side would be incredibly influential in whether this experience might be successful. We found a wonderful woman who is a highly recommended doula in the area, and interviewed with her a few days later. She helped continue our education and reinforced the idea that my mind was strongly mulling over — to check out a birth center here in Orlando called The Birth Place. She was the second to make this recommendation. [by the way, of course Winnie a WONDERFUL hospital and if there are any complications, that's where I'd want to be -- within their care. That's what they do best!]
We called that day and made an appointment to visit and take a tour of the place.
Finding Our Birth Place
Unlike my experience of touring Winnie Palmer, we were thrilled by our experience with the midwives at the Birth Place. Some major differences were that all the things that we would read in checklists in the spectrum of books — the midwife answered before we even had to ask. The assumptions are your natural preferences, and any intervention would only be done when necessary. The midwife, Robyn, who gave us the tour was very open to say that even that past weekend, a rare occurrence of a mother who was not progressing through transition, and had grown exhausted, was taken to the hospital safely and she ended up having her birth there. The birth center midwives are very open about their procedures and practices; as certified midwives, they are under the same requirements as the hospital when it comes to medical discipline and accountability. While they are not doctors, they are accountable to doctors, and to keep their licensure, which is something they’d want to do, they will not make dumb choices that will put the mother or child at risk. Like the doctors and hospitals, their goal is healthy mom, healthy baby.
So we were quite reassured with all of this. Then there are the preferences. Reading these birth stories particularly of people birthing at a birth center or at home even, I was overwhelmed by their comments of how comfortable they were with their environment. The added anxiety of being in an unknown place, and not only that but a hospital, seems to have sent many people backwards in their progression of labor.T here are many experiences and study of the labor process and the midwives and doctors contributing to these various books speak often to the vast influence of the psyche and environment in the progression of and transition of labor. It just makes sense.
(more…)
Attitude December 30, 2008
People keep asking me how I’m feeling, and I have to say that I feel like for the most part, this pregnancy has been very “easy”
Having different perspective helps.
in many ways, physically. I know that so many people’s bodies respond differently throughout, and while there are discomforts, and limitations to accept and tolerate, and learn how to manage, mine have been fairly minimal. At the same time, I have tried very much to adopt the right attitude about this pregnancy experience from the beginning. While I cannot control the difficulty level of much of it, I wonder now how much can be attributed to the helpful advice I have acquired from the many wonderful women who have encouraged me to explore the natural childbirth research and information. Rejecting the attitude of pregnancy and birth being this illness to get through, or this nuisance with great rewards, I have tried to actually embrace the journey along the way.
While I toss and turn many nights or feel incredible acid reflux that is never comfortable, or when I forget that I can’t just reach down and pick something up always…I’m creating (or my body is creating) a person! Every moment of my experience is a time of development, creation of not only this little person, but my own transition into motherhood and understanding what it is to really devotedly care for another being that is completely reliant on me. I’m even completely reliant on my body working because I sure don’t know how to make feet, legs, grow small fine hairs in the follicles, develop brain tissue, teach my baby to accept nutrients from the amniotic fluid, etc. The mysteries and beauty of it all is something that I have to sit back in awe of, and take the time to understand as much of that, appreciate as much of that, and work alongside this process.
my new soul mate December 29, 2008
I titled this entry what I did because I thought it would be kind of shocking in a way. I know “soul mate” is often tied directly to the person you are married to; anymore it’s watered down even more than that. I believe I have experienced what that term “soul mate” is getting at with my precious husband. But I’m actually talking about our first child. This is the beginning thoughts about my journey to getting to know this little person who has developed a relationship with me at a most intimate level in some respects, and yet he is someone I don’t even know. It’s a quagmire (is that a good word?); a mysterious relationship that I don’t know how to define, and look forward to unpacking as we continue this journey.
Many moms have told me about their experience feeling that they’ve bonded with their child while they are growing in the womb. This being my first time, I was of course worried “What if I don’t feel bonding happening” like you worry about EVERYTHING at least for a moment or two, if not days, weeks, etc. And I reassured myself that it was normal to worry about that and doubt my experience. I realize that in the first two trimesters, it was very surreal. It still is to some degree, but the gradual process over 7 months has warmed me up to my growing belly, and the active alien inside. Going from first hints of feeling him kick and wondering if they were even real, or whether it was just indigestion…to now KNOWING he’s there on a fairly regular basis as he moves, squirms, kicks, punches, and whatever else he’s doing in there.
Quote from Augustine, Childbirth and Crash-o-Rama November 16, 2008
Our bodies are shaped to bear children, and our lives are a working out of the processes of creation. All our ambitions and intelligence are beside that great elemental point.
- Saint Augustine
I ran across this online; I’m actually not sure where exactly it was written. I thought it fit well in the discussion of the importance of creation and new life, pregnancy and birth; and the process of growing in community, as he says, working out the process of creation.
I have been reading a lot of childbirth stories through my research. What’s amazing to me is that these women, even those who have these somewhat traumatic experiences as far as the length of their labor, and the back pain, or some particular part of it that was really hard, at the end, they’re glowing and thankful for their experiences. After some steps we’ve taken, I can understand how they are enthralled with the encouraging atmosphere they are in, one who empowers their choices, their strength and continually encourages them that they can do it. They have dedicated midwives or doulas who stick with them the entire labor process, and a good partner (their husband) who continues to love them through the journey. I believe many people can have a similar experience in the hospital, I just happen to be reading ones who have birthed at home or in birth centers.
I realized today, and this even reflects some on the Augustine quote above, that I continue to be encouraged by writings and a class I took wednesday by a midwife, that our bodies were actually made for childbirth. While complications and our tolerance to the pains may vary, in the end, the baby will come out. I read these stories about women, even like I said, with these somewhat miserable experiences of pain, and it actually reminds me of my experience at my first “Crash-O-Rama.” This may be weird, but stick with me.
the adventure of pregnancy November 1, 2008
Earlier posts on pregnancy:
kick… kick… kick
Caryn is pregnant… and feeling it
Before I was on a journey to “get to the good stuff” — the baby in arms loving me back. But I have found that God has this process — pregnancy and the journey through childbirth, that he obviously intended very specifically to be the way it is, and usually that means he has a reason. The past few weeks I have rarely read a section of scripture that didn’t make reference to the “pains of childbirth.” I’m no scholar, but don’t people say when there is something often mentioned that we should pay extra attention?
I don’t think it’s just about the curse and the pains of childbirth inflicted on evil woman since the garden. Like the kings, prophets, apostles, Jesus, and many other men & women of God — their stories are laced with difficult, trying, and many times physically abusive episodes. Continually men and women of God are challenged to persevere through trials and suffering to find what God has for them IN the process, and on the other side. Why doesn’t anyone talk about this when it comes to childbirth? Maybe it is too sensitive a topic and they are afraid of what people might say in response; I run some risk even now!
I started the process of researching “issues” or “topics” like whether to use an epidural or not. But I realized it was MUCH bigger than those specific decisions. There is this beautiful thing I have discovered in exploring women’s stories. I have found an amazing value of life and relational intimacy for mom-dad-baby through the resources mostly written by natural childbirth advocates. I have found their philosophies and writings some of the most beautiful human and life valuing perspectives from anyone — even more so than many Christians I have read and talked with.
It’s not about who can survive the most pain at the end of the day, or anything so trite. These women simply embrace the fact of how women’s bodies are designed and the purposefulness of the created order; the beautiful empowerment and intimacy that the pregnancy can create for mother-father and baby; and knowing that you could survive something you didn’t think you could. Ultimately I know it is because of God’s love and grace and intervention in strengthening us.
I feel like God has truly called me to embrace the adventure and seek Him in this process, trusting him, and seeing what he might have for me, my husband and baby. How often does he call us to face things that we are scared of, that may hurt us (emotionally, physically, etc) and how often do we cry out to him in the midst of despair and disillusionment and cry for him to save us. And what has that journey been like to experience his grace and mercy overflowing around us?!
He is allowing me to change my view, and while I have anxiety and fear, and I have NO idea what the pain will be like, or even ultimately what specific choices I will make, I feel like he has something special for me in this process with my husband and my baby. As I’ve sought him, and wisdom from others, my fear has lessened and my excitement has increased. God is good.
kick…kick…kick November 1, 2008
Ultrasound at 20 Weeks of Baby Boy Davis.
it’s not a soccer team, it’s the overly active baby who’s tearing it up inside my body! Wow, I know everyone says it is cool to feel, but it really is! I have been very much more encouraged in the past week or so to feel our Baby Davis kicking inside my belly…it’s a good reassurance that things are moving along, other than the fact of my gaining weight! I can’t believe though he’s about 1 lb, and he has LONG way to go in the next few months. WOW.
Beyond my body changing and craziness in registering and juggling that feeling of wanting to have everything prepared for baby, but not being able to, the journey already has been quite remarkable.
What a humbling acknowledgment to realize God has allowed me to participate in carrying this child. It’s quite remarkable to realize the intricacies of how our bodies are woven together to be able to do this — carry and create and keep-alive this child for 9 months. As my belly swells, I realize how little control I have, and how much I have to trust God for this little one’s life. For some odd and humbling reason, God has invited us into this mysterious process and I can’t stop being amazed by that, despite the discomforts, or the anxiety about things to come in the next trimester.
I am trying to really embrace the journey, the “firsts” and to be careful about what I take “in” when it comes to views on childbirth, pregnancy and parenting. Researching birth options has been a whole new mysterious world; one that is CONTROVERSIAL, sensitive, and highly emotionally charged. What has been amazing is to sift through it all and find truth from God about what he has for us in the process of pregnancy and labor and experiencing birth.
More to come…
—– Scott jumping in —–
I’d like to add some first-time-daddy perspective here.
This is absolutely amazing!! It has been incredible finding out we were pregnant and then watching Caryn’s belly slowly start to grow. But seeing our child, complete with head, hands, arms, fingers… and boy parts… moving around actively on the ultrasound… Wow!!
He’s a real live human being growing inside Caryn womb. I’ve read some books and have some idea medically about all this, but seriously, how is this even possible? It’s incredible. And truly there is nothing that can prepare you for seeing your own child. I’ve seen other people’s babies in ultrasound pictures. Really didn’t move me much. But seeing my own child squirming and kicking in Caryn’s belly…
Words do not exist to begin expressing the wonder of a moment as deep as this.
“Caryn is…pregnant” and feeling it September 22, 2008
So, I don’t know if I’ve really announced it so much especially to the worldwide stalking network, but I am officially pregnant, and about to start week 18! Baby is the length of a fork, my daily calendar said today, and weighs the equiv of about 3 eggs. I am much heavier than that and feeling it!
It’s all very exciting. We have 14 days (yes I’m counting down) until our ultrasound and hope to find out whether this little one is a girl or a boy! Can’t wait for that.
Big steps have already happened. I’m pretty sure I felt a kick or two in the past couple of weeks, although first-time mommies are apparently less aware. With as much action that’s going on in my intestines, with all my muscles expanding and parts shifting, it’s hard to know what a movement is — but it’s all baby related!
I’m definitely ready for summer to be over. October should cool off some, and I am very much looking forward to that. The fireball in my belly at a whomping 99 degrees I’m told, feels often much warmer! [is whomping a word? i've never typed it and it has a red squiggly]
I took my first walk around Babies ‘R Us last Friday and took in the enormity of how many variations of all kinds of things there are available to fill your house with for your half-pint newborn. It’s overwhelming and yet, exciting, too.
What else…2 maternity clothes trips so far. I already learned the lesson the hard way that putting maternity pants in the dryer is a bad idea! I shrunk one pair already. So learning as I go. That was a fairly harmless mistake. I have lots of questions for mommies and spend a lot of time thinking about this whole thing. Anyway, so that’s my update for now. We hope to have more news as we go.
Oh, and as to the title of this note, I’ve been feeling okay, really. Past some of the first trimester blues. I’m just definitely starting to feel my body more, and having to compensate for a bit more weight to lug around.
